FIFA Apology Rules

"When you lose by 5 or more goals on the video game FIFA, you must write a considered apology to your opponent, publicly explaining why and how you have disgraced the beautiful game."

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Top Efforts

  1. Apologist: Luke Bennett, Victor: Sacha Shokrollahi, Scoreline: 8-0

    Dear Mr Shokrollahi, Firstly I apologise for the delayed response, as you imagine after the FIFA game we played, where we were completely outclassed, my Liverpool team has been very active in the transfer window to try and ensure there is no repeat performance of that fateful day. Read More ↓

    Last week we endured a match which I can honestly say is the lowest point of my glittering FIFA career, no one could have predicted the horrific outcome that was, your Everton team completely embarrassed and outclassed us in every department. The final score being 8-0 to Everton and resulting in my players humiliated enough to even walk off the pitch before 90 minutes which I apologise for because it was completely out of conduct and unprofessional however my players had tears in their eyes, they felt raped and shamed, Steven Gerard is still going through therapy, and Mignolet has gone AWOL (I think he may now be working as a shelf stacker in lidl).

    A derby that started off so promising and had fans of both clubs mouths watering with excitement and hope in there eyes thinking they were about to witness a close classic tie between the two rivals, was soon ruined by my teams horrific and appalling display. Your toffees pulled of an absolute master class performance that made my Liverpool side look like a below average Sunday league team. Lukaku showed that he is a world class player likeable to Ronaldo and pelè, under your reins. He obliterated my defence time and time again with his pace skill and and just pure talent he left Skrtel bedazzled! And rooted my keeper to the spot time and time again.

    Disgraceful passes and completely misguided shots off target, Liverpool were absolute amateurs compared to your Evertonian flair, we were simply not good enough, we shouldn’t have bothered turning up. Suarez was nowhere to be seen, he has since left the club with immediate affect, (he bit 3 staff members on his exit off the field) We were a shambles a laughing stock, some would say it was ‘unbelievable jeff!’.

    To conclude I apologise deeply, the team let themselves down, they let the fans down, they even let me down. I assure you a massive overhaul of the squad is in operation to ensure we never embarrass ourselves in such a humiliating way again, we did not deserve to be on the same pitch as your exceptional and heroic Everton side, we are the new whipping boys of football, our faces are red like the colour of our shirts, I’m ashamed to even be involved with this team after this horrific ordeal.

    My apologies for wasting your time and your teams time.

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  2. Apologist: Harry, Victor: Louis, Scoreline: 7-2

    Dear Louis,

    I would like to apologise for putting in such an inferior display during the 7-2 defeat to the mighty Saints. Having randomly chosen the exciting Swansea, I felt relatively confident taking on your Southampton side – how wrong I turned out to be.

    It started badly when just 6 minutes in, Vorm was inexplicably sent off leaving me with no choice but to replace de Guzman with my sub keeper, Tremmel. Gaston Ramires confidently converted the resulting penalty, and thus began an exciting, yet for me woeful, match.Read More ↓

    However, I believed my fortunes had changed when Fonte was sent off soon after, giving me an enticing free kick just outside the box. Audaciously, Tremmel took the FK, which hit the wall and nearly led to a breakaway.

    The brave Swans held on until a calamitous lapse of concentration saw Rodriguez score two just before half time. My misery was compounded when the great Jay Rodriguez soon after completed an excellent hat trick shortly after the interval.

    However, hope came in the form of another dubious refereeing decision – Hooiveld sent off for a minor offence, left you with 9 men ( myself being on 10). I capitalised on this, scoring two goals in quick succession, with Britton and Graham providing a glimpse of hope and chances of an apology pretty slim. Or so I thought.

    With the game in the balance, and a comeback on the cards, Southampton responded with a strike from Yoshida and then a superb solo effort by Lambert. At 6-2, the atmosphere was tense, resulting in my spurting rage and abuse at both my team (notably Tremmel) and the referee, who by all accounts had a bad game.

    I thought I had survived my fate when in the last minute Ricky Lambert narrowly missed a well timed volley inside the box. However, with the last play of the game, a cross came in from which Tremmel parried into the path of Jay Rodiguez, who capped off a MOTM performance by heading the ball in and sealing my fate.

    I would once again like to apologise for my pitiful performance, but would like to take the time to quickly acknowledge your unrivalled excellence and dominance on FIFA.

    Yours sincerely,


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  3. Apologist: Peter, Victor: Bradley, Scoreline: 6-1

    My Dearest Son, It’s a proud moment for any Dad to see their son finally be good at something. At last the 5th March 2013 was a night I will remember for the rest of my life. You were incredible with your football skills. Read More ↓

    I am just SO sorry that your friends had to witness my poor FIFA efforts.

    Although I lost 6-1, watching you wiz up and down the pitch with so much precision was inspirational. I thought each one of your goals was beyond anything I’ll ever be able to do at my age. How you strategically positioned every single ball and player. WOW… The other five sweaty goals were good as well.

    At points during the goal scoring I kept forgetting I was playing such an important game. I would stand up in honour and put my hand behind my ears as if to listen to the reaction of the crowd. I know in my head I was chanting ‘Shaun Wright-Phillips, John Terry’s your Dad’ even though you heard me chant you f******sweaty B****** child.

    I would be so excited and happy if you dropped out of Six Form College and took up playing FIFA as a full time career. You talent is wasted on A levels.

    Just think about it PLEASE

    ♥ The Dad that thinks the world of you x x x

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  4. Apologist: Frosty, Victor: Sam & Tom, Scoreline: 5-0

    I have a confession to make. I don’t really know how to say this and i owe my family an apology but my perfomance on FIFA 12 was absolutely atrocious. i would love to make an excuse for this shocking outcome but I’m afraid the only reason is because I’m absolutely shit at this game. Me and Michael O’Loughlin lost 5-0 to Sam Goddard and Tom Nightingale. I understand that i seriously need to think about what i have done and consider the feelings of my peers. Read More ↓

    Mike and myself need to have a good long look in the mirrow and decide what it is we want from life before we can carry on living. This is a disgraceful loss and we don’t deserve to live in this great country given to us by our most gracious Queen. I would like to make it up to each and every one of my friends, peer and family, so if you would like a personal apology for this terrible act of FIFA then I would be happy to either send you an E-mail or hand write a formal apology to you. I’ll understand if non of you ever want to speak to me again and I’ll apply for a Pre Voluntary Release from her majesty’s Royal Air Force on monday for my actions. thank you for your time, although i don’t deserve it…

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  5. Apologist: James Doran, Victor: James Zihni, Scoreline: 5-0

    Dear James Zihni

    I’d like to apologise for wasting your precious time with a disappointing 5-0 loss to your marvelous team. Given that I was using Brentford, I didn’t imagine pulling off a shock victory over your awesome Chelsea line-up; I deeply regret suggesting we recreate the FA Cup match recently played between the two sides. Read More ↓

    The game started brightly for me, however, with Petr Cech making numerous world-class saves against my amateurish strike force. Things could have played out so differently, as I struck the base of your goalpost early on with the score still standing at 0-0.

    Unfortunately, that was when my fortunes began to slump, and as the half-time whistle went, I found myself 2 goals behind; the second, coming mere moments before the break, was a particularly cruel blow.

    Clearly, my inspirational half-time team talk (i.e. screaming at the telly) fell on deaf ears as my keeper chose to have the worst half of football he has ever performed in. On two occasions, his mistimed attempt at punching the ball clear led to easy tap-ins for your attackers, which is especially galling when the fact that Fernando Torres, king of tap-in misses, was in your starting eleven, is taken into account.

    From here on in, my team capitulated and a further goal was tallied, hence my humbled presence on your Facebook wall.

    Once again, I must offer my most sincere apologies for this astonishingly pitiful showing against your highness. I ask only for forgiveness, and the chance to play as Chelsea whilst you play as Brentford so that, when you inevitably beat me again, you can confirm your complete dominance at FIFA over myself.


    James Doran

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  6. Apologist: Amen, Victor: Ste, Scoreline: 5-0

    Dear Mr Greig with regards to our recent league game on Fifa, I wish to apologise for my unfortunate off day.

    Your influential passing in this match was too much for me. I hope you will accept my sincere apologies for wasting your valuable time and embarrassing me in-front of Sam Goddard Dan Deez Farrow and Tom Nightingale. Read More ↓

    However I hope you do keep in mind, in our second leg I will cost you the league, and allow Dave Roach to be victorious and snatch the league from your very hands that made me write this apology.

    Over and Out.

    A Very Disappointed Sherundi

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