FIFA Apology Rules

"When you lose by 5 or more goals on the video game FIFA, you must write a considered apology to your opponent, publicly explaining why and how you have disgraced the beautiful game."

Messi and Oxlade-Chamberlain FIFA Characters

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Top Efforts

  1. Apologist: Shaun Foster, Victor: Daniel Robinson, Scoreline: 6-2

    Mr sir Lord of the Realm Robinson, recently we engaged in a epic battle set within the grounds of St Marys football ground were 32,589 courageous and loyal fans turned up to watch a demolision in progress.

    Fifa is a game i cherish its a game i appreciate and respect, unfortunatley today was a dark and miserable day for me personally, I have l let the entire FIFA community down i have let myself down and the family name “Foster”. For years my family have maintained extremley high and prestigous FIFA attributes, never going into battle un prepared never submitting to an opponent, always fighting to the last breath. Read More ↓

    Today i threw all that away i threw all the heritage and hopes and dreams of the family name into the abiss. A 6-1 defeat to the hands of a worthy advisory a composed and lethal opponent eho was ruthless to the last second. I am shamed to have ever picked up a ps4 controller i am shamed to have ever played FIFA 15 i dont deserve a heart in my chest for that disgrace of the beautifull game.

    You sir are now my hero and today you sleighed your foe to his knees. I have nothing but respect for your expert thumbs and the way you curess the ps4 controller.

    Well done yours gracefully

    Shaun Foster

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  2. Apologist: Harry, Victor: Louis, Scoreline: 7-2

    Dear Louis,

    I would like to apologise for putting in such an inferior display during the 7-2 defeat to the mighty Saints. Having randomly chosen the exciting Swansea, I felt relatively confident taking on your Southampton side – how wrong I turned out to be.

    It started badly when just 6 minutes in, Vorm was inexplicably sent off leaving me with no choice but to replace de Guzman with my sub keeper, Tremmel. Gaston Ramires confidently converted the resulting penalty, and thus began an exciting, yet for me woeful, match.Read More ↓

    However, I believed my fortunes had changed when Fonte was sent off soon after, giving me an enticing free kick just outside the box. Audaciously, Tremmel took the FK, which hit the wall and nearly led to a breakaway.

    The brave Swans held on until a calamitous lapse of concentration saw Rodriguez score two just before half time. My misery was compounded when the great Jay Rodriguez soon after completed an excellent hat trick shortly after the interval.

    However, hope came in the form of another dubious refereeing decision – Hooiveld sent off for a minor offence, left you with 9 men ( myself being on 10). I capitalised on this, scoring two goals in quick succession, with Britton and Graham providing a glimpse of hope and chances of an apology pretty slim. Or so I thought.

    With the game in the balance, and a comeback on the cards, Southampton responded with a strike from Yoshida and then a superb solo effort by Lambert. At 6-2, the atmosphere was tense, resulting in my spurting rage and abuse at both my team (notably Tremmel) and the referee, who by all accounts had a bad game.

    I thought I had survived my fate when in the last minute Ricky Lambert narrowly missed a well timed volley inside the box. However, with the last play of the game, a cross came in from which Tremmel parried into the path of Jay Rodiguez, who capped off a MOTM performance by heading the ball in and sealing my fate.

    I would once again like to apologise for my pitiful performance, but would like to take the time to quickly acknowledge your unrivalled excellence and dominance on FIFA.

    Yours sincerely,


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  3. Apologist: Frosty, Victor: Sam & Tom, Scoreline: 5-0

    I have a confession to make. I don’t really know how to say this and i owe my family an apology but my perfomance on FIFA 12 was absolutely atrocious. i would love to make an excuse for this shocking outcome but I’m afraid the only reason is because I’m absolutely shit at this game. Me and Michael O’Loughlin lost 5-0 to Sam Goddard and Tom Nightingale. I understand that i seriously need to think about what i have done and consider the feelings of my peers. Read More ↓

    Mike and myself need to have a good long look in the mirrow and decide what it is we want from life before we can carry on living. This is a disgraceful loss and we don’t deserve to live in this great country given to us by our most gracious Queen. I would like to make it up to each and every one of my friends, peer and family, so if you would like a personal apology for this terrible act of FIFA then I would be happy to either send you an E-mail or hand write a formal apology to you. I’ll understand if non of you ever want to speak to me again and I’ll apply for a Pre Voluntary Release from her majesty’s Royal Air Force on monday for my actions. thank you for your time, although i don’t deserve it…

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  4. Apologist: Edward Attwood, Victor: Sam Geldard, Scoreline: 6-1

    After a long day of lectures that I paid less than 0 attention in, I was invited by Sam Sam Patrick Geldard with Henry Milton to play a few games of FIFA, knowing that I wasn’t great I definitely thought I’d be able to beat Henry turns out I was wrong cause that specky, sloth looking Romanian gypsy beat me twice despite the fact I battered him twice whatever his goalkeepers been taking I want some cause he had absolute worldies. Read More ↓

    This however wasn’t the worst of it, I then had a final match with Sam, who in the first match I had more than matched but had taken right to the wire in the first game, I thought I could recreate some of the memorable moments and tactical excellence that I had put in at Tom Hitchman’s may come into play but it appears once Eastwood 16s own Peter Odemwingie Alex Piper beat me I have been on a downward spiral and been unable to perform this is not only on FIFA but also in real football including some rather upsetting slips that have caused me some serious issues including a horrific slip up down at UWE which caused me to get the prestigious award of 2nd dick of the day.

    The match was Brazil (Sam) Vs Holland (Edward) straight for the kick off Sam meant business he dominated the early play with a very well worked and albeit sloppy goal presented to Neymar turned my defender (from which I can honestly say I have seen milk turn quicker) by my god forsaken defending that I thoroughly and whole heartedly must say was just horrific to watch from start to finish it was a real car crash in terms of my attack which absolutely non-excitant and with no width I could only watch as Sam dominated me more than any of those backstreet dominatrix clubs of the Amsterdam Red Light District (not visited any but seems an appropriate metaphor) by Half time it was 4-0 and my rear end was in serious jeopardy with some supreme finishing by Sam utilising the Brazilian flare to score with Pato with a brace and Hulk with a wonder strike as far as I can remember, by this point I am unsure whether I passed out or if my mind just doesn’t want to remember it, the only stat I had done well on was with possession but this is because I spent so much time taking kick off after Sam took all my defenders anal virginities.

    I kicked off the second half and started as I planned to go on by having Van Persie run straight into my other attack though I don’t remember who he was because he only seemed to pop up when I needed a centre to be taken. Sam at this point had taken his finger off the trigger and was just toying with me and my emotions he went on to score twice more with Pato and Fred (how the fuck is he Brazilian his name make him sound like a elderly paedophile). Upon this the final stats showed I managed 4 shots how I don’t know and this I even saw my possession stat wither and die before my very eyes. So Sam Geldard I can only apologise for even having wind in my lungs after such a clinic, that masterful display has made me reconsider everything in my life, how I am, what I do and whether I should even be allowed to live anymore, you bested then beasted me and I should be ashamed, for this I don’t even know why I bothered buying a Playstation 3 or FIFA, your Ant Bush (from the tutor 5-a-side) like display was so brilliant that I can no longer sit on my desk chair is it goes straight through me. I am gutted and I feel sorry for you for making you do such a thing to me, cause you should be arrested for such violent scenes, nonetheless I am sorry and I whole heartedly apologise for being the worst human being to ever play FIFA in your Room, I am now off to sit the shower in the Fetal Position reminiscent of that naked Treacle in James Bond Casino Royale. I can’t reiterate how sorry I am and I know that words will never be good enough for you, please forgive me.

    P.S PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5. Apologist: Peter, Victor: Bradley, Scoreline: 6-1

    My Dearest Son, It’s a proud moment for any Dad to see their son finally be good at something. At last the 5th March 2013 was a night I will remember for the rest of my life. You were incredible with your football skills. Read More ↓

    I am just SO sorry that your friends had to witness my poor FIFA efforts.

    Although I lost 6-1, watching you wiz up and down the pitch with so much precision was inspirational. I thought each one of your goals was beyond anything I’ll ever be able to do at my age. How you strategically positioned every single ball and player. WOW… The other five sweaty goals were good as well.

    At points during the goal scoring I kept forgetting I was playing such an important game. I would stand up in honour and put my hand behind my ears as if to listen to the reaction of the crowd. I know in my head I was chanting ‘Shaun Wright-Phillips, John Terry’s your Dad’ even though you heard me chant you f******sweaty B****** child.

    I would be so excited and happy if you dropped out of Six Form College and took up playing FIFA as a full time career. You talent is wasted on A levels.

    Just think about it PLEASE

    ♥ The Dad that thinks the world of you x x x

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  6. Apologist: Dave Harris, Victor: Neil Wands, Scoreline: 6-1

    Dear Neil ‘ fingers of magic ‘ Wands,

    I write this letter with the deepest regret for my disgusting and shameful performance during the ‘birthday beating’ which you so graciously gave me. There are no words to describe the disappointment I am currently feeling, and not only have I let myself down, I have let you down and more importantly FIFA players around the world. Read More ↓

    I also feel I should apologize on behalf of Hull city FC for portraying there team in such a woeful light and I assure yourself and FIFA that in no way did my performance reflect on there current teams form or any of there players ability.

    Please accept this heartfelt apology, and rest assured I have already taken action to insure this humiliating and degrading scenario does not happen again.

    Best regards,

    Dave Harris

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