FIFA Apology Rules

"When you lose by 5 or more goals on the video game FIFA, you must write a considered apology to your opponent, publicly explaining why and how you have disgraced the beautiful game."

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Top Efforts

  1. Apologist: Harry, Victor: Louis, Scoreline: 7-2

    Dear Louis,

    I would like to apologise for putting in such an inferior display during the 7-2 defeat to the mighty Saints. Having randomly chosen the exciting Swansea, I felt relatively confident taking on your Southampton side – how wrong I turned out to be.

    It started badly when just 6 minutes in, Vorm was inexplicably sent off leaving me with no choice but to replace de Guzman with my sub keeper, Tremmel. Gaston Ramires confidently converted the resulting penalty, and thus began an exciting, yet for me woeful, match.Read More ↓

    However, I believed my fortunes had changed when Fonte was sent off soon after, giving me an enticing free kick just outside the box. Audaciously, Tremmel took the FK, which hit the wall and nearly led to a breakaway.

    The brave Swans held on until a calamitous lapse of concentration saw Rodriguez score two just before half time. My misery was compounded when the great Jay Rodriguez soon after completed an excellent hat trick shortly after the interval.

    However, hope came in the form of another dubious refereeing decision – Hooiveld sent off for a minor offence, left you with 9 men ( myself being on 10). I capitalised on this, scoring two goals in quick succession, with Britton and Graham providing a glimpse of hope and chances of an apology pretty slim. Or so I thought.

    With the game in the balance, and a comeback on the cards, Southampton responded with a strike from Yoshida and then a superb solo effort by Lambert. At 6-2, the atmosphere was tense, resulting in my spurting rage and abuse at both my team (notably Tremmel) and the referee, who by all accounts had a bad game.

    I thought I had survived my fate when in the last minute Ricky Lambert narrowly missed a well timed volley inside the box. However, with the last play of the game, a cross came in from which Tremmel parried into the path of Jay Rodiguez, who capped off a MOTM performance by heading the ball in and sealing my fate.

    I would once again like to apologise for my pitiful performance, but would like to take the time to quickly acknowledge your unrivalled excellence and dominance on FIFA.

    Yours sincerely,

    Harry

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  2. Apologist: Peter, Victor: Bradley, Scoreline: 6-1

    My Dearest Son, It’s a proud moment for any Dad to see their son finally be good at something. At last the 5th March 2013 was a night I will remember for the rest of my life. You were incredible with your football skills. Read More ↓

    I am just SO sorry that your friends had to witness my poor FIFA efforts.

    Although I lost 6-1, watching you wiz up and down the pitch with so much precision was inspirational. I thought each one of your goals was beyond anything I’ll ever be able to do at my age. How you strategically positioned every single ball and player. WOW… The other five sweaty goals were good as well.

    At points during the goal scoring I kept forgetting I was playing such an important game. I would stand up in honour and put my hand behind my ears as if to listen to the reaction of the crowd. I know in my head I was chanting ‘Shaun Wright-Phillips, John Terry’s your Dad’ even though you heard me chant you f******sweaty B****** child.

    I would be so excited and happy if you dropped out of Six Form College and took up playing FIFA as a full time career. You talent is wasted on A levels.

    Just think about it PLEASE

    ♥ The Dad that thinks the world of you x x x

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  3. Apologist: Frosty, Victor: Sam & Tom, Scoreline: 5-0

    I have a confession to make. I don’t really know how to say this and i owe my family an apology but my perfomance on FIFA 12 was absolutely atrocious. i would love to make an excuse for this shocking outcome but I’m afraid the only reason is because I’m absolutely shit at this game. Me and Michael O’Loughlin lost 5-0 to Sam Goddard and Tom Nightingale. I understand that i seriously need to think about what i have done and consider the feelings of my peers. Read More ↓

    Mike and myself need to have a good long look in the mirrow and decide what it is we want from life before we can carry on living. This is a disgraceful loss and we don’t deserve to live in this great country given to us by our most gracious Queen. I would like to make it up to each and every one of my friends, peer and family, so if you would like a personal apology for this terrible act of FIFA then I would be happy to either send you an E-mail or hand write a formal apology to you. I’ll understand if non of you ever want to speak to me again and I’ll apply for a Pre Voluntary Release from her majesty’s Royal Air Force on monday for my actions. thank you for your time, although i don’t deserve it…

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  4. Apologist: James Doran, Victor: James Zihni, Scoreline: 5-0

    Dear James Zihni

    I’d like to apologise for wasting your precious time with a disappointing 5-0 loss to your marvelous team. Given that I was using Brentford, I didn’t imagine pulling off a shock victory over your awesome Chelsea line-up; I deeply regret suggesting we recreate the FA Cup match recently played between the two sides. Read More ↓

    The game started brightly for me, however, with Petr Cech making numerous world-class saves against my amateurish strike force. Things could have played out so differently, as I struck the base of your goalpost early on with the score still standing at 0-0.

    Unfortunately, that was when my fortunes began to slump, and as the half-time whistle went, I found myself 2 goals behind; the second, coming mere moments before the break, was a particularly cruel blow.

    Clearly, my inspirational half-time team talk (i.e. screaming at the telly) fell on deaf ears as my keeper chose to have the worst half of football he has ever performed in. On two occasions, his mistimed attempt at punching the ball clear led to easy tap-ins for your attackers, which is especially galling when the fact that Fernando Torres, king of tap-in misses, was in your starting eleven, is taken into account.

    From here on in, my team capitulated and a further goal was tallied, hence my humbled presence on your Facebook wall.

    Once again, I must offer my most sincere apologies for this astonishingly pitiful showing against your highness. I ask only for forgiveness, and the chance to play as Chelsea whilst you play as Brentford so that, when you inevitably beat me again, you can confirm your complete dominance at FIFA over myself.

    Yours

    James Doran

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  5. Apologist: Amen, Victor: Ste, Scoreline: 5-0

    Dear Mr Greig with regards to our recent league game on Fifa, I wish to apologise for my unfortunate off day.

    Your influential passing in this match was too much for me. I hope you will accept my sincere apologies for wasting your valuable time and embarrassing me in-front of Sam Goddard Dan Deez Farrow and Tom Nightingale. Read More ↓

    However I hope you do keep in mind, in our second leg I will cost you the league, and allow Dave Roach to be victorious and snatch the league from your very hands that made me write this apology.

    Over and Out.

    A Very Disappointed Sherundi

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  6. Apologist: Sam Lidlow, Victor: Ryan, Scoreline: 7-2

    Now this is a status all about how
    My life got flipped, turned upside down
    And I’d like to take a minute; just sit right there
    As I tell you how Ryan beat me on Fifa(ir)
    Read More ↓

    In Ryan’s room, bottom floor of the house he chose
    He proposed a gamma that I’m sure everyone knows
    I wasn’t up to much so I said “yeah, alright”
    But neither of us knew this would be such a fight
    I turned on the PS3 and oicked up the remote
    How did I know my life would become one big joke?
    We agreed 5 star randoms and the match was set:
    Argentina to play Italy. It’s not over yet.
    The whistle blew for kick-off with Ryan to start.
    My tekkers were poor; his were an art.
    Within minutes I was losing 2-0: what had begun
    As a friendly match. No, this was no longer fun.
    I scored a goal! my hopes were raised! was fate on my side?
    The little glimpse of glory had filled me with prode.

    Anyway half time and the score was 4-1
    The chance of me winning had slipped straight to none
    I tried and I tried to defend the attacks
    but to be honest I’d chosen the poorest of backs
    I managed to score one more goal but that was it
    Ryan, you bastard. you made me feel like a tit.
    The damaging blow was dealt by Higuain with a right
    There was little else for me to do other than write.
    Straight onto facebook I went for all to see
    Ryan, 7-2. You’re simply better than me.

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